True Crime: How to Impress an Irish Mob Boss

The Irish Mirror has a story out of Cloverhill Prison in West Dublin about a "well known sportsman" awaiting trial on drug charges who attempted to impress an Irish gangster by brutally attacking a correctional officer. The inmate, reportedly incensed over the CO's refusal to let him speak with the alleged crime boss, attacked the guard, biting him and attempting to gouge out his eyes. This comes on the heels of another attack on a correctional officer over a missing razor blade. A week before this incident, a guard was attacked by three "drugged-up convicts" after he tried to confiscate a missing shaving razor.

The prison will see work stoppages this week over "dangerously low" staffing levels in the prison, which have allegedly contributed to the attacks on guards.

True Crime: Self Decapitation

A New York man recently committed suicide by tying his head to a pole, hopping in his car, and flooring it. "Spectacularly gruesome" is one way to describe it. "Batshitfuckinginsane" would be another.

True Crime: Vietnamese Drug Murder in Philadelphia

The New York Daily News says it all: "Two brothers were loaned $100,000 to buy drugs, but spent it all at a Chester, Penn. casino before being abducted by a Philadelphia drug lords."

The two victims were allegedly taken to a home in Southwest Philadelphia, where they were beaten and tortured. From there they contacted a friend who would bring them enough cash to save their lives: $40,000. This third man, Thanh Voong, was beaten and robbed when he arrived with the money. The three were driven to Fairmount Park along Kelly Drive where the two thieves had their throats slit and bodies dumped in the Schuykill, weighed down with buckets of cement attached to their feet.Voong, who was also thrown in the river, was stabbed but not weighed down. Voong played dead and managed to crawl out of the river and walk down Kelly Drive, where he was spotted by a police officer.